The woman seated next to me on the plane never stopped coughing, and long story short, WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!

If you're about to fool around but are having second thoughts, just say "Let's take this magical journey together." That should end things.

I'm trying to think of one legitimately smart person who keeps insisting on how smart they are.

"Welcome to Hell, please step into this crowded elevator without your phone."

You're telling me a trap had this thirst?

Dear @Huey_Lewis_News ,

I know it's hip to be square. Are there any other shapes that qualify? Thanks in advance.

If you know the location where your ex is getting married, swinging by and pulling the fire alarm is an interesting option.

Chicken fried steak is why we're in this mess.