Too tired to debunk.

If the invitation says "Formal Attire," definitely wear your good hoodie.

Still no better comeback than “So's your face.”

The Colorado wall is to keep out bad weed.

My spirit animal is the elephant that killed that poacher.

Sometimes I like to channel my anger into my rage.

Has anyone ever not lied about flossing?

Organizing my grudges by date and intensity.

What did the Lincoln Project do with all that money? Making a web video costs about $15.

Timeline of binge-watching a tv show (to be adjusted based on number of seasons) (there are rare exceptions):

Awesome
Awesome
Awesome
Weak season
Better than last season
Looks like they gave up
Ok, that's enough
Please god, let it end
They didn't stick the landing ...read more

"When you saw only one set of footprints in the sand,
It was then that I abandoned you.
Good luck finding your way back to the parking lot.”

I think I speak for all of us when I say that no one gave me permission to speak for all of us.